“To find yourself, think for yourself.” - Socrates.

“You can do anything!” or at least that’s what we are told to believe. Watching famous celebrities and fashion icons talk about their past, childhoods, and the failures and obstacles they overcame always felt surreal. Although I knew logically I could do whatever I wanted with my life, growing up the lived experience is not as simple, or easy. Doing what you love is scary. That’s a fact many people skip over having lived the success and focusing on the outcomes of their creative and professional journey. So this is why I believe it’s important to share my personal perspective along my own creative journey, in the hope that it will help you along your own.

In this article I present to you my first ever professional photoshoot, and the advice I would give to my younger self. I share with you what I learned, when I first had a dream…

My First Photoshoot | Fashion Diaries

Above: Photographed by Unitec Photography DPT 2014, captured on black and white film.

My First Photoshoot | Girl’s Day Out 2014

The photoshoot was a professional event organised for me and a group of other girls from my high school in 2014, for a school trip called ‘Girl’s Day Out’. A replacement for the traditional school camp, it was a fun experience where we were pampered with various beauty treatments, makeup, hair styling and even getting acrylic nails done! They looked beautiful, but were extremely impractical, so I do not recommend them if you use your hands to make a lot of things!

Before the event I went to work planning the details. I loved anime shows like Cardcaptors growing up, so I adored an ultra-feminine aesthetic. I longed to recreate the pretty scenes in my mind, but I would look in the mirror and felt the self-doubt creep in. I resolved to do my best to ensure I made this work. The skirt I made was my inspiration, and gave me the confidence to push myself out of my comfort zone. In high school I didn’t wear makeup, or care much about style apart from the ideas I had in my mind. I experimented with accessorising my outfit until I was happy, raided my mum’s vintage shoe collection, and prepared myself for the unknown.

The day of the photoshoot it was a blur. We went from having our makeup and hair done to the photoshoot in what felt like minutes. I tried my best to explain to the makeup artist and hair stylist the ideas I had in my mind, and they were met with some hesitation. When it was my turn to have my photo taken, I insisted on my vision. The photographer seemed doubtful, but agreed to listen to my ideas. I didn’t hold my breath for the finished photos, having always been disappointed in the past.

When I received the portraits, the results blew me away. I couldn’t believe how pretty I looked! Having always felt like an odd duckling, it was such a validating experience to create these beautiful pictures that I felt finally reflected me on the inside, and represented everything I loved. I do not have the name of the photographer I worked with, but if that is you, and you are reading this I would like to say thank you for trusting my vision!

My First Photoshoot | Mistakes and Lessons

There were many mistakes I made, and lessons I learned from this experience, although most of what I learned wasn’t actually at the time it happened. Much of what I have learned is in retrospect, looking back on the distance I have travelled. The biggest myth about creatives perpetuated in the media by those who are successful, is that failure comes with some kind of epiphany, clarity or answers, even in despair. But for me, it did not. At least not for me anyway. It purely comes down to your own sheer will and determination to ‘find a way’ regardless of how difficult, stupid, frivolous, or impossible your dream might seem, sometimes without knowing why.

This photoshoot was a learning experience for me because it gave me a spark of hope that I could, and should pursue what I loved. It also brought me a lot of self doubt - thoughts like ‘what if this time was just a fluke’ or ‘what if it wasn’t my worth, it was the makeup’ among a plethora of ideas pulling apart my resolve to just ‘give it a go.’ I was afraid before the day that my outfit would look stupid, that I would look silly, I would be embarrassed, and how regretful I would feel.

The only real way to deal with your fear though, is to face it head on. That means to fully embrace the goal, the feelings that come with it and ultimately the potential fall out or consequences that could happen as a result. I learned that rather than wasting time and energy by questioning and refining my decisions at the time, I could have accepted the worst case scenario that comes with self expression. There was a lot less to fear in reality than in my mind. It can often feel like the world is against you, and can lead you to question your instinct and decisions. So the one piece of advice I would give to my younger self, is to follow and to fully commit to embracing that spark of inspiration - Like Walt Disney said:

“If you can dream it, you can do it.”

— Walt Disney

The key concept to remember for all creatives, is that we need to accept with complete faith the inspiration that comes, the muse that visits and the fleeting or persisting inspiration that appears. Whether sought or found, this dream is worth believing in. The self doubt can appear so real, but like a mirage it only lasts so long. The dream is forever. Conceiving my artistic vision throughout the years and bringing it into reality is rewarding unlike almost anything else I have experienced. Time and time again, things can be difficult before they become easy, but that’s where the joy lies. Joy doesn’t just happen, it’s created.